Friday, June 29, 2012
28 June: Day two without Internet!
(I am sending this on 29 June from church building which has EXCELLENT wireless). 28 June We have not had wireless Internet for the last two days. I am beginning to consider an Internet cafe or wireless hotspot visit. The thought is daunting--with the girls?--but I start to get the shakes when I am out of touch for so long. Speaking of getting the shakes, I just consumed an unnatural amount of Nutella. "What???" you cry? Yes, I, HILARY, just ate tons if Nutella, nearly straight from the jar. Well, I was upset. I do not normally turn to food when in a crisis but today I decided to just go for it. Yes, yes, upset over yumi's behavior and the awful, horrible feelings and actions that boil up and over out of me when she acts this way. Skip to the paragraph starting with "This afternoon" if you would rather not read about it. We went to the embassy pool this morning. I said earlier that I would no longer visit the embassy pool in the afternoons due to traffic. Well, I am now down the pool during the morning. Or, done taking Yumi to the pool. I had fun, but she moped around nearly the whole time. Her main complaints: " it is too cold outside of the pool (there was a breeze and it definitely was chilly to be wet and in the shade); it is too cold inside the pool; I can't swim; mom won't swim me around the pool nonstop because she has to take turns playing with Aya and Emi and, wonder of wonders, she wants to sit and relax on the poolside a little bit; why don't I get the snacks, icecream, etc that the embassy summer camp kids are getting?; my leg hurts; my stomach hurts; I am tired." Can you sense my bitterness? The moaning and groaning continued as we left the embassy with our hosts (who must sign us out) and my resentment grew as I had to cajole and coax her to make each step. It was humiliating. By the time we got in the taxi, I was about to fall apart. I prayed that I could make it back to the hotel without snapping but I failed. We were not even half way back and both Yumi and I were sobbing. The driver tried to help/interfere but I just begged him to leave us alone. Sweetly, Emi sat next to me and sang Give Said the Little Stream over and over. I was only able to get Yumi to calm down and eat lunch with the promise that I'd take her to the doctor later. She is, in general, very interested in doctors, but some of her mantras when she gets into these fits involve feeling sick and that she's going "to die." Is Yumi unhappy? How desperately or urgently do we need to get her help? Today she also begged to be allowed to go back to heaven. But she also begged to be allowed to go back to Herndon, so basically I assume she does not like it HERE. She is clearly in a very unhappy stage. I remember feeling what I assume she is feeling at a very young age, too. And I turned out alright. But in the meantime, she may grow even unhappier and so will all of us. Naturally I wonder what I am doing wrong/not doing right. And of course anyone will tell me that isn't the case...but can I really believe them? Are we causing her unhappiness or not teaching her correctly how to be happy? I know these questions and their variations haunt most parents but I am feeling it acutely now and my child is only four years old. This is discouraging. And the help she needs--can we even get it here? This afternoon I took the girls down the street to the launderer Abu Manal and to the fruit seller Amir/Abu Mariam. Our stroller has a flat so we walked. It is probably not more than 1/4 a mile but that is a bit of a trek for small girls in the sun. I also gave the a small bag each of laundry to carry. :-). Our visit there was enjoyable--really the only Arabic conversation opportunity I had all day. And the girls get to run around a little and explore the little "square" that houses the businesses. Abu Manal and Abu Mariam always have little snacks and fruit for the girls as well. Once Nate returned, he took Yumi off to the Youth Sports Center at Sports City. I asked him to look into a summer camp for Yumi. I took Emi and Aya to Safeway. There is a special play area located in the parking lot of Safeway--inflated slide, trampoline, and boat pond--and since Yumi had come no where near her goal of going there today (her sticker chart was depressingly empty today), I wanted to take Emi to make a point. We popped first into Safeway though to get a few items...and we got sucked in. I initially wanted yoghurt, milk, and cheese--about all that can fit in our refrigerator--but then I remembered that we needed snacks for church tomorrow (nuts, raisins, digestive biscuits) and that we are out of veggies (carrots and cucumbers). I have since run out of many toiletries and decided to just make a trip of it and replace of all of it. One the one hand, I was happy to get needed supplies. On the other, I was reminded of how soulless a supermarket is. I walked around with my cart, went through the checkout, and said no more than "thank you" to the cashier. If and when we spend time in the Middle East in the future, will we do our shopping at grocery stores and become one of the faceless shoppers? Alas, we did not have time for the Safeway fun land and thankfully Emi took it well. We struggled into a taxi and back to the hotel where we met up with Nate and Yumi. They did get information on a kids camp at Sports City but were unable to register her. And the timing of the camp is strange: 10:00am start with breakfast and 2:30pm finish, no lunch included. Clearly a camp intended for jordanians. Which is cool-but we have to see. If we move hotels than Sports City no longer is convenient. The three things (other than Yumi's behavior) weighing on my mind tonight: 1) switch hotel? 2) can we get the stroller tire replaced? 3) camp for Yumi? We checked out the movie "The Help" from Books and More and watched it tonight. Of course, it is a stirring movie and when I get emotional in a movie I usually start to get extra emotional over any issues weighing on me at that time. After the movie, Nate hugged me as I cried and cried.